Friends without Benefits? Really?!

by Christine Kalmbach

In a September Vanity Fair Article, Friends Without Benefits by Nancy Jo Sales, it talks about the effect of social media and the effect of pornography, sexting and hook-up apps that and how it is harming teens. Here is an excerpt from the article:

Friends Without Benefits by Nancy Jo Sales

This year, 81 percent of Internet-using teenagers in America reported that they are active on social-networking sites, more than ever before. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, ((Snapchat, Skype, Tumblr, Vine, Ask.fm)) and new dating apps like Tinder, Grindr, and Blendr have increasingly become key players in social interactions, both online and IRL (in real life). (I added some of these ((applications in parentheses)) because many parents may not even be aware of them!) Combined with unprecedented easy access to the unreal world of Internet porn, the result is a situation that has drastically affected gender roles for young people. Speaking to a variety of teenaged boys and girls across the country, Nancy Jo Sales uncovers a world where boys are taught they have the right to expect everything from social submission to outright sex from their female peers. What is this doing to America’s young women?

Another excerpt talks about the stats of porn:

Porn is more available now than at any time in history—especially to kids. Ninety-three percent of boys and 62 percent of girls have seen Internet porn before they turn 18, according to a 2008 study in CyberPsychology & Behavior. Seventy percent of boys have spent more than 30 minutes looking at porn, as have 23 percent of girls. Eighty-three percent of boys and 57 percent of girls have seen group sex online. Eighteen percent of boys and 10 percent of girls have seen rape or sexual violence.

The article is rough, read at your discretion with its seedy language, vile sex acts and emotionally and spiritually scarring stories.

The irony to this chilling and sickening article is the fact that Vanity Fair has featured it! The magazine that brings you naked women every month, airbrushed and tanned to perfection selling lies to make girls and women think that that is how they are supposed to look!  This is the Vanity Fair that features articles with lurid sexual details, seductive poses, innuendo, pedophiles interviews, and nude photographs ad nauseum.

Vanity Fair actually cares about young women getting hooked on casual sex?

Vanity Fair actually cares about young women being lied to and being used?

Sure seems hard to believe given the monthly content of their rag.  Maybe Vanity Fair needs to read this article and rethink the way they’ve been doing business? Maybe they care about children being used and abused? Maybe they care and will start setting a standard to not push sexuality on young children and teens. The message that has been promoted is warped for sure.

Hey, Vanity Fair, it’s about time you practiced what you are preaching? Vanity Fair…are you listening?

Join others in the fight against pornography (https://www.facebook.com/PeopleAgainstPorn), comprehensive sex ed (which is not comprehensive), and Planned Parenthood in order to protect our children! Join Texas Parents Care! https://www.facebook.com/TexasParentsCare

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Advice for Parents of Teen Porn Addicts (Part 4) Preventing Future Use

Restoring your teen after porn use

by Rob Jackson
Principles, not personalities

Chances are this encounter will exacerbate personality differences already evident in the family, but parents and teen alike need to understand that this issue is not about personalities but about principles. Ideally, parents will have educated their children about the principles or core values that pertain to personal integrity. When these principles are violated, parents don’t need to make this a personal issue, even though the wound will be highly personal.

Those who have not undertaken this core training will experience greater difficulty reaching the teen. Compounding the problem will be any moral lapse or habits that the teen witnesses in the parents’ lives. It is extremely difficult to admonish a child for seeking out pornography if the parents have a few video cassettes they claim to be marital aids. Children are experts at sniffing out hypocrisy.

If parents are morally compromised in this situation, there are only a few choices they can make. They can either let the matter drop, thus resigning their teen to a cycle of pain, shame and addiction, or they can make the decision to eliminate those harmful aspects of their own lives and work toward bringing healing and restoration to the entire family.

Youth culture often counters parental values; adolescents may claim the right to express sexuality in whatever ways they desire. Without moral absolutes, they are prone to experimentation and believe that being true to one’s self is the greater good.

Boundaries and accountability

The fact remains that parents are responsible to a large degree for their children and for what their children do. For example, when an adolescent violates one or more civil laws pertaining to sexual conduct, his parents will typically become involved in the court hearings as well. Taking up their moral responsibility, parents of teenage addicts will need to state clear boundaries so that the guidelines and consequences are obvious.

Sadly, simply stating clear moral guidelines won’t change the heart of our children. Nevertheless, parents should be clear. Adolescents are to be accountable for their conduct, especially when trust has been violated.

Some initial guidelines for children would involve the types of media they are exposed to and the times and places of exposure. For example, parents would want to regulate Internet usage to specific times of the day or only when they are present. They may need specialized software to help them achieve these measures. Other restrictions could include limiting Internet use for homework purposes only and limiting TV viewing.

Heavy-handedness without appropriate ongoing communication and relationship can drive a teen further away from you and drive a continuation of his or her acting out.

The guidelines parents set should not be limited to media in the home. Considering the seriousness of your child’s problem, guidelines should also be developed for conduct outside the household, with a signed agreement clearly stating consequences for infractions.

The reader can see how this could easily become a case of “parenting with an iron fist.” These measures need to be moderated by your family’s situation and your unique relationships. Above all, you must enter into these measures making sure that you are acting out of love and a motivation to help your child toward healing. Just as important, your child must perceive that you are acting with such a motivation. Heavy-handedness without appropriate ongoing communication and relationship can drive a teen further away from you and drive a continuation of his or her acting out.

Ideally, fathers should discuss these matters with sons, and mothers with daughters. Follow-up is important and, at least initially, these times of accountability may need to occur daily so that the teenage addict can check-in.

Safeguard other children

The most difficult question that can emerge is how to safeguard other children in the home. We want to think the best of our loved ones, regardless of age. It’s hard to imagine that a family member may actually pose a hazard to another family member. Where sex addiction exists, however, a careful evaluation for risk factors is always warranted.

Understandably, parents will want to protect younger children from the knowledge that an older sibling is addicted to pornography or other sexual behaviors. In fact, many times, the younger children remain relatively innocent, and perhaps the parents have not yet initiated sex education. Nevertheless, there are times when parents will need to err on the side of caution, and share with younger children that an older sibling is in trouble sexually, and therefore, won’t be left alone in their presence without parental supervision.

Every family situation differs in type and severity. For this reason, it’s not possible to offer specific advice in a brief article. Fortunately, however, help and hope is available though Focus on the Family’s Counseling Department. For a confidential assessment and referral to a specialist, call (800) 232-6459 weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time).

See the rest  of the article at: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/when_children_use_pornography/preventing_future_use.aspx

Porn on the Brain makes for a devastating life…

by Christine Kalmbach

This article is sad and frightening. There are many disturbing facts detailed below and one I want to bring to your attention that Facebook is being used as a tool for pornography.   Either knowingly or unknowingly is the question?  We have started a page called “People Against Pornography”. Please become a fan: https://www.facebook.com/pages/People-Against-Pornography-everywhere-and-on-FB/168243650044552?ref=br_tf   Let’s hold those responsible for this treachery accountable!

** WARNING – THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS GRAPHIC MATERIAL AND IS NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN! **

Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY 

From the Daily Mail by Martin Daubney

The moment I knew internet pornography had cast its dark shadow over the lives of millions of ordinary British teenagers will live with me for ever. I was sitting in the smart drama hall of a specialist sports college in the North of England with a fantastic reputation. Before me were a group of 20 boys and girls, aged 13-14. Largely white, working class children, they were well turned-out, polite, giggly and shy.

As the presenter of a Channel 4 documentary called Porn On The Brain, airing next Monday at 10pm, I’d been invited to sit in on a forward-thinking class led by sex education consultant Jonny Hunt, who is regularly asked into schools to discuss sex and relationships. To establish what these kids knew about sex – including pornography – he had asked the children to write an A-Z list of the sexual terms they knew, no matter how extreme.

Most of these children had just hit puberty and some were clearly still children: wide-eyed, nervous, with high-pitched voices.

Some of the girls were beginning their first forays into make-up. Several wore braces on their teeth. Everybody was smartly turned out in school uniform, and the most anti-authority statement in the room was a tie worn deliberately short. A One Direction pencil case lay on a desk. These were clearly good children, from good homes. So far, so very, very ordinary.

But when Jonny pinned their lists on the board, it turned out that the children’s extensive knowledge of porn terms was not only startling, it superseded that of every adult in the room – including the sex education consultant himself.

‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny.

‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy, to an outburst of embarrassed laughter from some, and outright revulsion from others.

The adults in attendance were incredulous at the thought that not only did this kind of porn exist, but that a 14-year-old boy may have actually watched it.

But the more mundane answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and girl in the group put on their list was ‘anal’.

When questioned, they had all – every child in a class of 20 – seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I was stunned they even knew about it – I certainly hadn’t heard of it at that age – let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it.

One 15-year-old girl said, ‘Boys expect porn sex in real life’. And one boy – to choruses of approval – spoke of his revulsion for pubic hair, which he called a ‘gorilla’.

When Jonny pointed out that pubic hair was normal in real life, the boys scoffed, but some of the girls were angry that the boys’ template of what to expect from real girls had clearly already been set by porn.

By the end of the hour-long class – and three others that followed with other children – I was profoundly saddened by what I had witnessed. While teenage boys will always be fascinated by, and curious about, sex, what’s now considered ‘normal’ by under-18s is an entirely distorted view of intercourse and the way relationships should be conducted.

It seemed as if the children’s entire expectation of sex had been defined by what they see in online porn. The conversation was horrifying enough, yet there was worse to come.

In the playground, I interviewed a brave group of seven bright boys and girls aged 14-15 to ascertain in more detail what online porn they had witnessed.

‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny. ‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy

One boy calmly recalled watching a scene too graphic to describe in a family newspaper, but which had involved an animal.

‘You’re watching bestiality?’ I asked. ‘That’s illegal. Where are you getting this stuff from?’

‘Facebook,’ the boy said. ‘It just pops up whether you want it or not, sometimes via advertisements. You don’t have any control over it.’

A girl added, ‘On Facebook, you just scroll down and it’s there. If any of your friends like it, it comes up on your home page.’

These kids were balanced, smart and savvy. They were the most academically gifted and sporting in the school. They came from ordinary, hard-working households. This was not ‘Broken Britain’.

Some were clearly shocked by what they had seen on the internet.

‘I find it dirty and disturbing,’ said one 15-year-old boy. ‘I try not to look at it, but people just keep sending it to each other. They email disgusting links to each other’s mobile phones to shock.’
One girl put her head in her hands and said, ‘It’s just gross’.

It’s horrifying enough for parents to know that children can get porn via the internet. But to think they get it from Facebook – the social media currency that has become a universal must-have for teenagers globally – will strike terror into their hearts.

I asked the teenagers: ‘On a scale of one to ten, how likely would you say it is that boys and girls your age are watching porn online?’

The reply was a chorus of tens, nines and one eight.

When I asked the children if there were parental controls on the internet at home, they all said no, their parents trusted them. They all admitted their parents had no idea what they were watching, and would be shocked if they did know.

What I saw at the school was awful, but sadly not unusual.

The findings were backed up in a survey of 80 boys and girls aged 12-16, commissioned for the TV show.

It proves the vast majority of UK teens have seen sexual imagery online, or pornographic films.

According to the survey, the boys appear largely happy about watching porn – and were twice as likely as girls to do so – but the girls are significantly more confused, angry and frightened by online sexual imagery. The more they see, the stronger they feel.

But what impact is this steady diet of online depravity having on the attitudes of boys and girls towards real life relationships, and on their self-esteem?

Could it even have a wider impact on their lives, blighting their ability to function in the world, get good qualifications and jobs?

What I discovered left me truly shocked and saddened.

He wanted to know how to protect his sonHe wanted to know how to protect his son. You might be surprised. After all, from 2003-2010 I edited lad’s magazine Loaded.

With its frequent nudity and lewd photo spreads, I’d long been accused of being a soft pornographer, and after leaving Loaded I agonised that my magazine may have switched a generation onto more explicit online porn.

In the documentary I set out on a journey to answer the question: is porn harmless, or is it damaging lives?

My interest was deeply personal, too, as my own beautiful little boy, Sonny, is now four. Even though he has only just started primary school, the Children’s Commissioner estimates boys as young as ten are now being exposed to online porn.

I wanted to know what I could do to protect my own son from a seemingly inevitable exposure to hardcore material in just a few years’ time.

I used to be sceptical that porn was as damaging a force as the headlines and David Cameron – who recently said it was ‘corroding childhood’ – suggest. In the past I’d even defended pornography in university debates, on TV and on radio. I claimed it was our freedom of choice to watch it and said it could actually help add to adult relationships.

But what I saw during the making of the film changed my opinion of pornography forever.

The true stories of boys I met whose lives had been totally taken over by porn not only moved me to tears but also made me incredibly angry that this is happening to our children.

And the looks of revulsion on those poor girl’s faces in the playground enraged me.

I feel as if an entire generation’s sexuality has been hijacked by grotesque online porn.

To find out what porn is doing to young men, and the girls they have relationships with, we spoke to them via online forums and discovered that there were many young lives seriously blighted by an excessive, unhealthy relationship with pornography that can begin when they are as young as 12.

We learned that some had lost their jobs, others had broken relationships, failed exams, or got into serious debt through using porn.

‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex. That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths’

Take the 19-year-old man I got to know. He was handsome, articulate and in full-time employment as an apprentice electrician. But his life was dominated by his porn habit.

‘Every bit of spare time I have is spent watching porn,’ he says. ‘It is extreme. I can’t hold down a relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but sex with them just isn’t as good as the porn.’

Having established, like the recent Children’s Commissioner report, that ‘basically, porn is everywhere’, we set out to discover what all this porn was doing to their brains.

Was it having any effect at all? Could it be addictive?

We found Dr Valerie Voon, a neuroscientist at Cambridge University and a global authority on addiction.

Then, in the first study of its kind, we recruited 19 heavy porn users who felt their habit was out of control and had Dr Voon examine their brain activity as they watched, among other things, hardcore porn.

She showed them a variety of images, both stills and videos.

These ranged from images known to excite all men, such as bundles of £50 notes and extreme sports in action, to mundane landscapes and wallpapers – all inter-spliced with hardcore porn videos, plus pictures of both clothed and naked women.

The ways in which their brains responded to this diverse imagery were compared with the responses of a group of healthy volunteers.

She was interested in a particular brain region called the ventral striatum – the ‘reward centre’ – where our sense of pleasure is produced. This is one of the areas where an addict will show a heightened response to visual representations of their addiction – whether it’s a syringe or a bottle of vodka.

What we discovered was a revelation. When shown porn, the reward centre of normal volunteers barely reacted, but that of the compulsive porn users lit up like a Christmas tree.

The compulsive porn users’ brains showed clear parallels with those with substance addictions.
Everybody on the project was astounded, even Dr Voon, who admitted she had been ‘sceptical and ambivalent’ about the study at the outset.

If porn does have the insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out vodka at the school gates.
And this toxic effect is filtering down directly into young girls’ lives.

The most shocking testament came from Professor Gail Dines. Regarded as the world’s leading anti-pornography campaigner, she has interviewed thousands of men and women about sex and pornography.

‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex,’ she says.

‘That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths.

‘Pornography is sexually traumatising an entire generation of boys.’

By talking with sexual addiction experts such as Professor John E Grant of the University of Chicago, Dr Paula Hall, the UK’s top sex addiction therapist, and Professor Matt Field from the University of Liverpool, we learned that the teenage brain is especially vulnerable to addiction.

The brain’s reward centre is fully developed by the time we’re teenagers, but the part of the brain that regulates our urges – the pre-frontal cortex – isn’t fully developed until our mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say ‘stop’, they are wired to want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling.

So who is going to take on the responsibility for protecting our children until they are old enough to do it for themselves?

Can we rely on schools? It strikes me that the current sex education system in the UK – where schools are obliged only to teach the basics of reproduction and the perils of sex, which they can opt out of anyway – is hopelessly outdated.

In the internet age, our children are turning to online porn for an alternative sex education – the worst place they can go.

The Mail claimed a victory in July when David Cameron announced that by the end of 2014 all 19 million UK homes currently connected to the internet will be contacted by service providers and told they must say whether family friendly filters that block all porn sites should be switched on or off.

But our TV show proved that determined children will always find a way around online blocks.

Ultimately, the responsibility lies with us, the parents. The age of innocence is over.

Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight back.

We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.

We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.

By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.

Porn On The Brain airs on Monday, 30 September at 10pm on Channel 4 as part of Channel 4’s Campaign for Real Sex, here’s the video on this segment:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=654LG4e5HL8

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A Mother’s Warning about Social Media…

August 26, 2013 by

Last week I received a very disturbing and heartbreaking email message from a mother who follows my blog. She asked me to share her email message with my readers so they will never experience what her family has experienced.

 

Her letter:

 

Hello Jackie, I have been reading your articles for a while and sharing them with my daughter; and we enjoy them. Jackie, last Thursday my daughter was raped by a guy she met on Instagram.

My daughter’s father and I are divorced. I found out that he went behind my back and allowed our daughter to date this man. He thought it was okay because he was ‘supervising’ them at his house. I can’t tell you the rage I felt and how many tears I have cried. Unfortunately my ex-husband sacrificed our daughter’s well-being by trying to be our daughter’s friend instead of her father and protector.  

My talking to my daughter wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She wanted her dad’s validation and approval. My daughter knew I would never approve of this guy, but since her dad trusted him she believed the guy when he said, “I won’t ‘try you’ if you let me come over while your family is not home.”

This man was not 18 years old as he told her father he was. By the way, I wouldn’t have even allowed her to date someone who was 18 years old. He also gave my daughter and her father a fake name.

My ex-husband had the nerve to ask our daughter, “At what point didn’t you think you should have fought back?” I could have screamed! I kept calm in front of my daughter and told my ex-husband what the police told me, which was we are blessed our daughter wasn’t found dead or beat beyond recognition because that is how they are finding many girls who are meeting guys on social media sites.

Jackie, my daughter is in counseling/therapy.  I know it’s only by God’s grace and mercy this man didn’t kill my daughter. She just turned 16 years old. He stole her innocence.  I pray they find this guy, but please tell your readers to be very careful about social media and about trusting the wrong people. Sincerely, one hurt mother

When I read this letter I tried, unsuccessfully, to fight back tears. The email message brought back memories of the hundreds of letters I have read from students who have also been raped. At least in this young lady’s situation, the parents found out about the rape and secured counseling for their daughter. Most of the young ladies I receive letters from never attend counseling, resulting in far too many of them managing their pain by self-medicating.

5 Things Parents Can Learn From This Story:

Below are five things I thought would be beneficial for parents to keep in mind with their children:

1.  Parents should be very vigilant in monitoring the social media sites their children visit because social media sites are a predator’s paradise. Check out this online resource to help your child understand the dangers of developing a relationship with someone online.

2.  Young ladies often look to their fathers to set the standard when they are choosing their boyfriends. They will often choose a boyfriend who is like their father or a boyfriend who their father will approve of them dating. Choosing whom they will enter into a relationship with is one of the most significant decisions a young lady will make. Fathers MUST understand how influential they are in that decision. As I stated in a previous post, daughters really do need their dads!

3.  Children’s brains do not fully develop until they are in their twenties. It is imperative that parents protect their children from dangerous situations, even when their children do not recognize the danger. Based on the stage of the daughter’s brain development, I can understand how she may not have understood the danger in dating someone she met online. It is unfathomable to me that the father did not recognize that danger. For more information on the teen brain development, check out this Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain.

4.  As a parent, you have a responsibility to perform your parental role for your teen(s). The time will come when you can be your children’s friend. During the teen years, they need parents not friends.

5.  When a person is raped, blame should never be placed on the victim for not doing enough to avoid the rape. You can learn more about protecting your child from sexual assault here.

This is one of the posts that you should definitely share with your teens to help them better understand the dangers of social media.

I cannot imagine having to face the pain that this mother and her daughter have experienced. I spoke with the mother last week and she and her daughter are on the road to healing from this horrible experience. Please pray for their continued healing.

http://jackiebrewtonblog.com/a-mothers-warning-about-social-media/?utm_source=A+Mother%27s+Warning+about+Social+Media…&utm_campaign=A+Mother%27s+Warning+about+Social+Media&utm_medium=email

Is the Goal to Reduce Teenage Pregnancies or Teenage Sex?

You may have read in the news about the decision in New York City to make Plan B emergency contraceptive available to any public high school student without her parents’ knowledge, as long as her parent did not opt out of the program.

This program was rolled out in five New York City public high schools in January 2011.  By September 2012, the program had been expanded to 13 public high schools. Today, the program is in more than 40 public high schools in New York City.

Last semester, I decided to ask students what they thought about the idea of making Plan B emergency contraceptive available confidentially to high school students.  

At the beginning of each class on the first day, I passed out a slip of paper with the following question on it:

Do you think it is a good idea for high school girls to be able to get Plan B emergency contraceptive from the school nurse without their parents’ knowledge?

I explained the decision in the New York City public school system and asked them to answer the above question anonymously. We discussed the issue as a class after all the papers were returned, which often led to a debate among the students. It was always very interesting to listen to the various perspectives.

Some students thought making the contraceptive so readily available would be encouraging students to have sex. Others said they would be upset as a parent if the school usurped their authority, while others thought it was a good idea because at least they may be preventing a pregnancy.

When the classes ended, I was always anxious to tally the surveys to see if the votes reflected what seemed to be the prevailing sentiment among the students and they did. Two out of three of the students did not think it was a good idea for high schools to dispense Plan B emergency contraceptive to students.  

Following are the actual results of the survey at three high schools:

Out of 529 students surveyed, 67% (352) thought it was NOT a good idea, while 33% (177) thought it WAS a good idea.

I purposely did not share my opinion with the students prior to them taking the survey. But I did share it over the course of my time with them and I will share it with you now.

It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that teens that have emergency contraception readily available will be less likely to use condoms, as confirmed by the following quote in this article by a student who has utilized the service.

I can hear the conversation now, “Baby we don’t need to use condoms because you can just go get that pill at school tomorrow.” Plan B provides 0% protection against STDs. Even if the number of pregnancies goes down, will we see the number of STDs increase since birth control is not disease control?

I am afraid that in the process of doing what they think will solve one problem they will likely create another problem, which is more STDs. That is not to mention Plan B’s lack of protection against the emotional consequences that often result from teenage sex. 

Education Matters!

At the end of class on the second day, I passed out an identical survey and told them to vote again to see if what they heard in the past two days had influenced their opinions on this decision.

Following are the results of the surveys after hearing me speak for three hours:

Out of 498 students surveyed, 81% (403) thought it was NOT a good idea for school nurses to distribute Plan B emergency contraceptive, while 19% (95) thought it WAS a good idea.

Though the decision made in New York City may seem to some like a great solution to the problem of teenage pregnancies, I think the bigger concern should be addressing the issue of teenagers having sex. In fact, most of the letters I receive from teenagers who have been devastated as a result of their sexual decisions have nothing to do with a pregnancy.

As a result, my presentation covers much more than the physical consequences of teenage sexual activity; and I believe that is one of the reasons the number of students who thought it was not a good idea to supply New York City public school students with Plan B, increased to 8 out of 10.

Before your talk I always thought that everything would be ok if we are safe and use birth control or a condom but now I view it in a different light. I now think that being abstinent is the correct choice because it’s not just about dealing with a teenage pregnancy or getting an incurable disease but instead a question of self-worth. 

Here is the bottom line: We must decide whether our goal is to reduce teen pregnancies or reduce teenage sexual activity.  

If reducing teenage sexual activity is the goal, who better to ask how to prevent behavior than those we are trying to prevent from participating in said behavior? In next week’s post, I will share with you what students say will reduce the amount of sexual activity among teens. So, make sure you have signed up to get future blog posts delivered directly to your inbox.

What do you think it will take to decrease the number of teenagers who are sexually active?
http://jackiebrewtonblog.com/is-the-goal-to-reduce-teenage-pregnancies-or-teenage-sex/

HB2 & SB1…”My Sex Organs”…

By Christine Kalmbach

Some may have heard about Katie Heim, an Austinite, who read her testimony -a poem to the Texas State legislators.  The poem, a slant on the gun issue in which she compares her vagina to a gun.

“If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights,
You would ride on buses and fight all the fights.
If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care,
You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there.
If my vaginas was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private
From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot.
If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected,
no matter the body count or the children affected.
If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security,
concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity.
If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you,
I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do.
But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing,
With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring.
Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic,
So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic.
My vagina’s here to demand from the source,
Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.”

You can read the article here: http://www.lifenews.com/2013/07/09/abortion-activist-reads-sick-poem-to-texas-panel-if-my-vagina-was-a-gun/

So, I thought, I would write a poem based on the consequences of premarital sex and abortion and the choice of choosing life!

“My Sex Organs” by Christine Kalmbach

If “my sex organs” were the most important thing,
what a delusion in my mind that would bring!
If “my sex organs” were the only thing that mattered,
how sad that my body and life would be so shattered!
If “my sex organs” were only for my pleasure,
then whatever my love wants, I would never treasure!
If “my sex organs” were only used for my desires,
then I could use others, hurt them and be a liar!
If “my sex organs” were to be used by others,
there’s no love, no joy, only abuse that smothers.
If “my sex organs” have a right over others to kill,
then life is snuffed out ‘cause I just took a pill!
If “my sex organs” were used whenever and wherever outside of marriage,
premarital sex gives lies, broken hearts and the hurt is a huge miscarriage!
If “my sex organs” held a secret, even at first, from me,
what if I aborted my daughter, who could have helped heal me?
If “my sex organs” were only MY right,
then I could murder and exterminate a life without any fight!

If “my sex organs” were seen as holy and sacred,
women and girls wouldn’t spew lies and hatred.
If “my sex organs” weren’t used by movies and TV,
then people wouldn’t be acting out in promiscuity!
If “my sex organs” were for the honor of Christ,
I would live a life of no regrets, for He paid the ultimate price!
If “my sex organs” were given respect and honor,
then my man would always love me and never be a goner.
If “my sex organs” were saved and protected for love,
there would be no disease and no need for a glove!
If “my sex organs” were meant to create life,
then one day I could have a husband, be a mom and a wife!
If “my sex organs” were to give me and my husband pleasure,
the total joy and bonding I could never fully measure!
If “my sex organs” were to one day to create a family,
then baby on the way would make us 3!
If “my sex organs” were uniquely created just for me,
I would be a treasured and precious gift of Thee!

We hear that abortion should be “safe, legal and rare”, however, in reality pro-death supporters want abortion on demand, “anytime, any place and paid by you-the American taxpayer”.   Planned Parenthood has paid supporters to come in and protest at the State Capitol. Texas HB2 and SB1 will ensure that abortion clinics are held to the highest standards, doctors will be trained and accountable and that no infant over 20 weeks can be killed or exterminated like a roach.  The pro-death supporters are all about women’s rights but they don’t recognize the right to life for everyone.  When did women become so out of touch with their maternal instinct and the desire to protect that life growing inside of them?  Are exceptions made for rape, incest and abnormalities? Yes, but again isn’t life about living and haven’t doctors been wrong in some diagnoses? Why punish a child for something they are completely innocent of?  Every person alive today, had at the very least a pro-life mom!

We strongly encourage parents to educate their children about how God created life and how life is to be respected and honored (and how they are a gift), then abortion will no longer be needed or at the very least be truly “rare”! Please contact your Texas State Senator and let them know you support SB1. They will vote on it on Friday, 7/12/13! http://www.senate.state.tx.us/

If you want to know more about local issues on sex education/curriculum, Planned Parenthood, protecting your children, Student Health Advisory Committees in your school district, Texas and federal legislation, then sign up for Texas Parents Care alerts and updates.

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Advice for Parents of Teen Porn Addicts (Part 3)

When faced with their teen’s struggle, most parents don’t know where to begin to get the helps he or she needs.

by Rob Jackson

With the advent of the Internet, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to shield their children from pornography. Now, in addition to the exposure kids might encounter from classmates who borrowed one of their father’s magazines, most school-age children and adolescents are spending large amounts of time online for homework or entertainment reasons. Attorney General John Ashcroft has estimated that nine in ten teens have been exposed to pornography. Unfortunately, many of these teens are susceptible to developing addictions or compulsions to these images.

The term “addict” may seem severe. Most parents will initially minimize the problem, hoping their son or daughter is simply “experimenting.” Experience has taught me that, in many cases, at least one of the parents will have faced similar struggles when he or she was younger. Today, however, Internet pornography is the fast ramp to sex addiction. Coupled with a greater moral decay in the culture and the fact that children’s minds are still are still in the process of developing to maturity, addiction can happen quicker than we parents like to think.

Not long ago, I was a guest on Focus on the Family’s teen call-in radio show Life on the Edge Live! During the hour, several adolescents called in to discuss sexual integrity. Even having previously treated adolescent addicts, I was surprised that the first four callers identified themselves as sex addicts – three of which were females.

My own practice and experiences such as those on the call-in show demonstrate that the problems of teenage pornography and sex addictions are real, devastating, and increasing. When faced with their teen’s struggle, most parents don’t know where to begin to get their child the help he or she needs.

Taking ownership

In many situations, the first reaction is to determine who is to blame within the family. It is important to realize, however, that bad things still happen to good families. This does not absolve certain parties from taking responsibility where it is needed. Everyone needs to take ownership of his or her piece of the puzzle.

For example, parents need to ask if they have provided a comprehensive sex education that truly equipped their child with the winsome truth expounded in the Bible. Setting proper foundations for understanding a Christian sexual ethic is a crucial step in protecting children from later sexual disorder.

Parents will also want to re-evaluate the types and amounts of media they have allowed in the home. People tend to absorb the messages that bombard them in popular media; more so with teens and young children. What have your children been listening to and watching? Is their media reinforcing respectful messages about sexuality and the dignity of the person, or is it working to erode these foundational principles in your child’s mind?

Another often-overlooked problem is the sad reality of sex abuse. Most sex addicts have suffered sexual abuse at some point in their lives, and treatment of sex abuse is foundational to overcoming sex addiction.

Read more here: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/when_children_use_pornography/advice_for_parents_of_teenage_porn_addicts.aspx