Learn the Real Risks of Abortion

By Christine Kalmbach

Learn the real risks of abortion.

Planned Parenthood’s website says, “Abortion is a safe and legal way to end pregnancy.”
Safe is a relative term. You may survive abortion physically. You may survive abortion emotionally. You may think you survived abortion spiritually. But I am here to tell you, Post-Abortion Trauma is real, the pain is real and the shame is real. You most likely have hidden your abortion from those you know and love. You may have never been able to tell even one living soul. You may have turned to drugs or alcohol to numb yourself out to try to stop the pain or to try to stop your mind from thinking about it over and over. You may have gone on to be promiscuous –thinking your body was just supposed to be used or only feel pleasure and not pain and that the next one would fulfill all your dreams and truly love you…I don’t know what your story is but I can tell you the deceiver wants you to be scared, to be ashamed, to feel guilty, to isolate yourself, and to be so embarrassed that you live in the pain alone.
Thinking about abortion?
Planned Parenthood directs you to a health center if you think you’re pregnant. The only problem is is that they are not in the business of helping women deliver babies, receive pre-natal care or walk you through the process of adoption (and no on-site mammograms by the way). They are there to test you for sexually transmitted diseases (if you only have one partner and they have only been with you, then there is no risk for STD’s/STI’s), to test for pregnancy, dole out birth control and to do abortions.

Planned Parenthood tells you in-clinic abortion procedures are very safe — but there are risks. It is questionable on how much they share with each patient? Many clinics omit or withhold information for a variety of reasons; sometimes it’s political, sometimes because they fear lawsuits or even because the patient may change their mind if given all the risks.

The risks increase the longer you are pregnant. They also increase if you have sedation or general anesthesia. Possible risks include

  • an allergic reaction
  • blood clots in the uterus
  • incomplete abortion — part of the pregnancy is left inside the uterus
  • failure to end the pregnancy
  • infection
  • injury to the cervix or other organs
  • undetected ectopic pregnancy
  • very heavy bleeding

Most often, these complications are simple to treat with medicine or other treatments, says Planned Parenthood’s website. (1) Reality is that many complications may not be simple to treat – it really depends on the person.

Planned Parenthood goes on to justify the risks of abortion versus the risks of childbirth:
The risk of death from childbirth is 11 times greater than the risk of death from an abortion procedure during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. (As if that was a reason or justification to go ahead and murder your child instead of carrying your child to term and delivering them)! Don’t you feel better about abortion, now? No. Planned Parenthood’s website states, “that after about 20 weeks of gestation in pregnancy the risks for both are about the same.”

So what are the real risks of abortion? Let’s break it down into three categories; Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.
Physically the risks according to Dr. Beverly McMillan*, 
What are the physical complications of abortion?

The most common, immediate, and short-term complications include excessive bleeding, chronic and acute infections, intense pain, high fever, convulsions, shock, coma, incomplete removal of the baby or placenta (which can cause life-threatening infections and sterility), pelvic inflammatory disease, punctured or torn uteruses, and even death.

Abortion can also result in uterine scarring, a weakened cervix, blocked fallopian tubes, and other damage to reproductive organs that can make it difficult to conceive or carry a child to term in the future. This latent morbidity of abortion results in long-term and sometimes permanent damage.

Women who have had abortions also experience more ectopic (tubal) pregnancies, infertility, hysterectomies, stillbirths, miscarriages, and premature births (the leading cause of birth defects) than women who have not had abortions. Abortion has also been linked to increased risks of developing breast, cervical, and uterine cancer.(2)

I’ll admit that abortion is not a good thing. And it may have physical and psychological risks. But don’t you have to admit that legal abortion is safer than illegal abortion?

No. More than 90 percent of illegal abortions were already performed by doctors.

When abortion was illegal, abortionists had to be very careful to avoid infection, laceration, and puncturing of the uterus, since a visit to the emergency room was an invitation for a police investigation. Not anymore.

Today, abortionists are free to operate on an assembly-line basis. The faster they work, the more money they make. When women get hurt…well, that’s just the risk that goes with any surgery.

I still think that legal abortions must be at least marginally safer than illegal abortions. Certainly women who suffer physical complications can get emergency medical treatment faster now without being afraid of becoming involved in a criminal investigation. Right?

That’s true. But that is the only health benefit of legalized abortion.

The overall impact is still very negative because the total number of women having abortions has increased dramatically.

Why? Because legalizing abortion has made it easier to pressure reluctant women into having abortions. Before 1973, women could resist an unwanted abortion on the grounds that it was illegal and unsafe.

But now people assume that since abortion is legal, it must be safe. That makes it harder for women to resist unwanted abortions for health or safety reasons.

As a result, the number of abortions has increased ten- to fifteen-fold with only a minimal improvement, if any, in safety.

So, while the percentage of deaths from hemorrhage and infections may have gone down, the actual number of women suffering these complications has gone up far more.

In addition, since psychological complications are even more common than physical complications, the number of women experiencing complications of one type or another has increased dramatically.(3)

Also, women who have an abortion are at risk of pre-term birth in future pregnancies. And, induced abortion is a risk factor for a woman developing Placenta Previa in future pregnancies. Decades of medical evidence has revealed that abortion carries significant psychological risks including increased risks of depression, anxiety and suicide. (4)

Emotionally, women suffer when they abort their child(ren).
A study of the medical records of 56,741 California medicaid patients revealed that women who had abortions were 160 percent more likely than delivering women to be hospitalized for psychiatric treatment in the first 90 days following abortion or delivery. Rates of psychiatric treatment remained significantly higher for at least four years.

In a study of post-abortion patients only 8 weeks after their abortion, researchers found that 44% complained of nervous disorders, 36% had experienced sleep disturbances, 31% had regrets about their decision, and 11% had been prescribed psychotropic medicine by their family doctor.

A 2006 study published in Sleep, the official journal of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies, found that women who experienced abortion were more likely to be treated for sleep disorders or disturbances compared to women who gave birth.

A 5 year retrospective study in two Canadian provinces found significantly greater use of medical and psychiatric services among women with a history of abortion. Most significant was the finding that 25% of women who had abortions made visits to psychiatrists as compared to 3% of the control group. Women who have had abortions are significantly more likely than others to subsequently require admission to a psychiatric hospital. At especially high risk are teenagers, separated or divorced women, and women with a history of more than one abortion.

Since many post-abortive women use repression as a coping mechanism, there may be a long period of denial before a woman seeks psychiatric care. These repressed feelings may cause psychosomatic illnesses and psychiatric or behavioral in other areas of her life. As a result, some counselors report that unacknowledged post-abortion distress is the causative factor in many of their female patients, even though their patients have come to them seeking therapy for seemingly unrelated problems.

All studies report higher rates of psychological problems after abortion compared to other women. Women who had abortions also had:

  • 59 percent increased risk for suicidal thoughts
  • 61 percent increased risk for mood disorders
  • 61 percent increased risk for social anxiety disorders
  • 261 percent increased risk for alcohol abuse
  • 280 percent increased risk for any substance use disorder

Researchers have identified a large number of statistically significant risk factors that identify which women are at greatest risk of experiencing one or more severe reactions to abortion.   The following is list of risk factors identified by the American Psychological Association Task Force on Mental Health and Abortion in their 2008 report:

  1. terminating a pregnancy that is wanted or meaningful
  2. perceived pressure from others to terminate a pregnancy
  3. perceived opposition to the abortion from partners, family, and/or friends
  4. lack of perceived social support from others
  5. various personality traits (e.g., low self-esteem, a pessimistic outlook, low-perceived control over life)
  6. a history of mental health problems prior to the pregnancy
  7. feelings of stigma
  8. perceived need for secrecy
  9. exposure to antiabortion picketing
  10. use of avoidance and denial coping strategies
  11. feelings of commitment to the pregnancy
  12. ambivalence about the abortion decision
  13. low perceived ability to cope with the abortion
  14. history of prior abortion
  15. late term abortion
  16. being an adolescent (not an adult)
  17. having a non-elective (therapeutic or coerced) abortion
  18. prior history of abortion (having a second or third abortion, or more)(5)

Women whom had abortions also had higher suicide ideation, suicide attempts, increased rates of alcohol and drug use, eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, child-neglect or abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder (hyperarousal, intrusion and constriction). They also had increased cigarette smoking with correspondent negative effects, divorce and chronic relationship problems and repeated abortions. (5)

This list is not complete, but it is sobering is it not? It has been proven that a woman who has had an abortion has more than likely been impacted by the physical and emotional effects of abortion. But what about Spiritually?

Spiritually, Alyssa Endres shares the spiritual impact of abortion:

“…abortion hurts women spiritually because it is not simply a process of evacuating the contents of a uterus, but the ending of a human life. God states in the sixth commandment, “Thou shall not murder.” Each baby is created by God and is part of His plan as stated in Psalms 139:13-14, “You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb… you saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe…” Human life does not begin when the baby breathes, or when its heart begins to beat, buts its life is continuous and inherited.

Life is passed from family to family and recorded in the Bible back to the first human beings created by God, Adam and Eve. Professor Garret Hardin, Department of Biological Sciences, University of California, Santa Barbara, stated Life ends often, but it never begins. It is just passed from one cell to another. All biologists…are in agreement with that… When a women interrupts God’s plan of life through abortion, she may suffer spiritual void and separation from God.

Not only do abortions end the life of a baby, but they also have harmful physical, emotional, and spiritual effects of the women (and men) involved. We need to protect and value all human life from the moment of conception to natural death. The future of America and our world rest on that.” (6)

We are called to choose life. We are to protect all stages of life. One of the ways you can help is to pray for everyone impacted by abortion. Pray for women and men to choose life. You can vote for people who are pro-life. You can contact your legislators and tell them to defund Planned Parenthood. If you are pregnant now or have personally have been affected by abortion, you can get help. Call International Helpline at 866-482-LIFE or go to internationalhelpline.org (full disclosure – I am on Staff at the International Helpline). You do not have to suffer through the fear, the shame, the silence, or the guilt any longer! Get help today!

(1) – http://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/in-clinic-abortion-procedures#sthash.txnm2DVp.dpuf
*Dr. Beverly McMillan is an ob/gyn. In 1975, she became the first woman to open an abortion clinic in Mississippi. She ceased doing abortions in 1978 when she became convinced that the abortions she was performing were causing everyone involved far more harm than good.
(2) afterabortion.org
(3) http://www.abortionclinics.ca
(4) http://www.realhealthcarerespectslife.com/summary-of-known-health-risks-of-abortion/
(5) http://afterabortion.org/2011/abortion-risks-a-list-of-major-psychological-complications-related-to-abortion/
(6) http://www.cirtl.org/endres96.htm

Parents angry after school tells 13-year-olds they can have sex, choose gender

by Christine Kalmbach

9th grade students at a California high school are being taught sex education by Planned Parenthood unbeknownst to parents! Planned Parenthood’s devious, back-door methods to get to our children shows up this time at Acalanes High School.

See more on this article from Perry Chiaramonte at Fox News:

Students at one northern California high school are learning more than just the birds and the bees.

Along with local area groups, some parents are irate that their children’s sex ed class at Acalanes High School in Lafayette is being taught by employees of Planned Parenthood without their prior knowledge. They are also fuming over the methods and materials being used, including a checklist that asks students if they are “ready for sex” and another worksheet that describes how to give and obtain consent, as well as a diagram that uses a “genderbread” person for lessons in gender identity.

“[Parents] are very concerned,” Brad Dacus, president of the Pacific Justice Institute, a non-profit legal organization that is assisting the concerned parents, told FoxNews.com. “Planned Parenthood is not exactly the best when it comes to putting young people first.

“They get more grants from the promiscuity of children,” he added. “The material they have provided was material that mirrored their agenda.”

It was the parents of ninth-graders at Acalanes that started raising questions after their children told them one instructor threw a model of female reproductive organs at one student and that many felt the sessions were pressuring them to have sex.

“Some of the kids were distracted because it was divergent from what they were taught at home,” Dacus said.

Acalanes Union School District officials told the institute the class was not taught by teachers but rather the staff from a local Planned Parenthood in nearby Walnut Creek.

Included in the materials provided to students were documents and worksheets that included a checklist entitled, “Sex Check! Are You Ready For Sex?” in which the 13 and 14-year-old students are asked questions such as if they have water–based lubricants and condoms and if they could handle a possible infection or pregnancy. Another worksheet reads like a how-to on obtaining consent from a possible sexual partner and offers possible statements like “Do you want to go back to my place?” and “Is it OK if I take my pants off?”

They were also taught about gender identity with the “Genderbread Person,” a play on the name of the holiday cookie, to teach them on how to identify themselves as either, “agender,” “bigender,” and “two spirit” to name a few.

genderbread chart 2.jpg

Have you ever seen something so ridiculous?! How many students think they are “non-gendered” or are attracted to “nobody”?! When you go to the doctor, you check off “male” or “female” on a health form. Why would Planned Parenthood want to confuse students? Because this is another way for them to make money. If they can get students to try sex with whomever, then they can make more money on testing them for Sexually Transmitted Infections/Diseases and also on birth control and abortions. Planned Parenthood does not care about our children’s emotional and mental well-being, let alone protecting them from physical illness and bad health. Students at the high school were also given worksheets called a “Sex Check”  and “Making Consent Clear“! You will have to see them to believe the audacity of Planned Parenthood! See the rest of the article here: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/12/14/parents-angry-after-school-tells-13-year-olds-can-have-sex-choose-gender/

LA Law Makers want Children indoctrinated into Comprehensive Sex Ed (that is truly not comprehensive)


Math, reading, writing, history, and science are among the subjects most people would agree should be included in a public school curriculum. Now Louisiana State Representative Patricia Smith wants to add sex to the list. Representative Smith claims that failure to provide comprehensive sex education in schools is akin to child abuse. In order to remedy this, she is sponsoring House Bill 369 which will require every public and charter school in Louisiana to provide comprehensive “age appropriate” sex education beginning in elementary school. The stated goal is to reduce the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases as well as the number of teen pregnancies.

Both Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal and the Louisiana Conference of Catholic Bishops have come out strongly opposed to this legislation, and with good reason. It is one thing to teach basic biological facts. The proposed legislation moves beyond basic science and requires that public education address sexual relationships, gender identity, and family life. These are topics that belong in the home where parents can offer guidance in accordance with their moral and religious principles. When the school presents these topics it offers an endorsement to many behaviors and choices that Catholics find morally objectionable.

Kids in ClassroomThis legislation usurps a parent’s right to decide what information about human sexuality their children will receive and when they will receive it. The proposed legislation defines “age appropriate” as “topics, messages, and teaching methods suitable to particular ages or age groups of children and adolescents, based on developing cognitive, emotional, and behavioral capacity typical for the age or age group.” The decision about what is “age appropriate” is ceded to school administrators with no input from parents.

This approach mirrors that of a 2012 special report, “National Sexuality Education Standards,” published in the Journal of School Health. The committee that produced this report included representatives from Planned Parenthood, and recommended that between kindergarten and second grade, children should be educated about the unreasonable gender specific behaviors that are being imposed upon them by their parents.

By the end of second grade, these experts expect your children to be comfortable with all permutations of families, including same-sex parents. By fifth grade, your child should be able to define the various sexual orientations and see all possibilities as normal and healthy. By the end of high school, your son or daughter should be able to list all the advantages of the various methods of contraception. Again, Representative Smith’s proposed legislation is in line with these recommendations as it specifically states that the mandated curriculum will teach “proper use of contraceptives approved by the federal Food and Drug Administration to prevent unintended pregnancy and of barrier methods approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration to prevent sexually transmitted infections.”

As evidence mounts about the harmful effects of hormonal contraceptives, does Representative Smith really think it is a good idea to encourage their use among teens who are most susceptible to their side effects? Will the mandated sex education curriculum tell students that they double the risk of HIV transmission when they use contraceptives? Will young women hear that they may double their risk of the most aggressive form of breast cancer when they take hormonal contraceptives and this increased risk is greater the younger they are when they start using contraceptives? Will they be told that the latest guidelines from the American Heart Association on stroke prevention in women point to oral contraceptives as a major risk factor?

Rather than making young women healthier, hormonal contraceptives increase the incidence of serious sexually transmitted diseases, cardiovascular disease, and cancer.

Louisiana House Bill 369 does offer a nod to the concerns of the Catholic Bishops by declaring that no lessons will endorse or advocate for abortion. Sexual abstinence will also be presented as an option. However, it will be just that, an option. Sexual promiscuity will also be an option. Homosexuality will be an option. Transgenderism will be an option. Nothing will be labeled as right or wrong. Everything will just be one of many options. The proposed mandated sex education in the public schools will be the equivalent of a multi-year indoctrination in moral relativism.

Under the proposed legislation, parents will be able to opt their children out of these lessons if they object to the program. However, they will only know the contents of the lessons if they request to review the material. There is no requirement to inform all parents of the specific information that will be included in the sex education classes. Why should supporters of this legislation be reluctant to publicize the details of the sex education curriculum if it contains nothing the average parent would find objectionable?

There is a great deal that could and should be taught in public schools about human development. They should learn that human life begins at conception when the ovum and the sperm fuse. They should be taught that this distinct human life develops under the direction of his own unique DNA, not his mother’s. This is settled science. This is the role of public schools as institutions of the state.

On the other hand, education about human sexuality and the nuances of human relations are best left to parents. Through the conversations and events of family life, parents are best positioned to transmit the lessons of virtue and chastity that lead to a healthy understanding of human sexuality.

see the article here:  http://www.truthandcharityforum.org/children-indoctrinated-in-moral-relativism-unhealthy-understanding-of-sexuality-under-louisiana-legislation/

We agree wholeheartedly with Dr. Runnell! We can only hope and pray that the residents of Louisiana will rise up against legislation that seeks to harm and destroy our children by speaking up and supporting Sexual Risk Avoidance. Sign up for more information and stay in the loop on this hot button topic!

Heritage Community Services, in partnership with the Texas Department of State Health Services, presents Evidence-Based Sexual Risk Avoidance (SRA) Training

Texas Dept of State Health ServicesHeritage Community Services

By Christine Kalmbach

After an objective review by the US Department of Health and Human Services, the Sexual Risk Avoidance abstinence curriculum, Heritage Keepers, has been approved and found effective in delaying sexual initiation among youth. The curriculum is offered by Heritage Community Services located in Charleston, SC.

The rigorous program design involved 2,215 youth in 7-9th grades. Findings showed that those receiving the Heritage Keepers curriculum were significantly less likely to initiate sex than a comparison group at the 12 months follow-up.  The study reports,  “Sexual experience increased from 29.1% to 33.7% for the program participants, and from 29.2% to 43.2% among the comparison group.”

Information about Heritage Keepers Abstinence Education:

  • It is the only A-H consistent abstinence-until-marriage program recognized by the US HHS Office of Adolescent Health (OAH) on their list of the 31 proven-effective evidence-based teen pregnancy prevention programs.
  • It has been reviewed by US Office of Population Affairs, Office of Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention and approved for medical accuracy.
  • Additionally, in September 2013, the Medical Institute for Sexual Health also reviewed and approved the curriculum for medical accuracy.
  • In September 2013, the National Abstinence Education Association reviewed and approved the curriculum for meeting the federal Title V, Section 510 A-H requirements for abstinence education.
  • The curriculum has been reviewed and approved for being inclusive and non-stigmatizing towards LGBTQ youth.
  • The curriculum has been reviewed and approved for compliance with federal regulations prohibiting support of programs that promote religion or abortion.
  • The curriculum is compliant with the SC Comprehensive Health Education Act and compliant with SC Health Standards

Extensive behavioral studies indicate that a year after Heritage Keepers®, program students initiated sex at a rate 67% lower than well-matched non-program students. This particular study was of 2,215 students in 41 SC schools, and the population of the study was 63% African American. Strong program outcomes have been found across age, gender and race in rural, urban and suburban settings.

“It is important to understand what works in empowering youth to eliminate the risks of teen sexual activity. The National Abstinence Education Association (NAEA) is committed to promoting research that can inform this goal. We congratulate Heritage Community Services on their success in impacting the lives and sexual health of youth, “ stated Valerie Huber, Executive Director of  NAEA.
The Texas Department of State Health Services is offering FREE Heritage Services training with your reservation (space is limited).

Tuesday, February 25 through Thursday, February 27, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm each day

Agenda/Topics Covered


Introduction to Evidence-Based Programs, Levels of Intervention, Psychosocial Mediators, Bloom’s Taxonomy, Behavior Change Model, Emotional Intelligence, Hardwired to Connect, Emotional Life of Boys, Social Intelligence, Self Efficacy, Primal Leadership, Biology of Love, Denial-Cultural and Personal, Benefits of Marriage, Impact of Fathers, Monitoring Fidelity, and Evaluation


Curriculum Overview of Heritage Keepers® Abstinence Education, Rationale and Predictors of Abstinence, Values and Goals, Dice Game, Anatomy, Birth Video, Sex is Like Fire, Marriage Fireplace, STD Presentation, STD/Pink Water Demonstration, Role-Plays, Love-Lust-Infatuation, Perfect Person to Date vs. Perfect Spouse, SAFE Plan, Imagine Your Wedding, Commitment Cards 

Application of theory and methodology to the curriculum

Who should attend?

Public and private school educators, youth leaders, community agencies that serve youth, youth and family  counselors, health providers and advocates, parent leaders, and those in related fields.
Seating is Limited!

Friends without Benefits? Really?!

by Christine Kalmbach

In a September Vanity Fair Article, Friends Without Benefits by Nancy Jo Sales, it talks about the effect of social media and the effect of pornography, sexting and hook-up apps that and how it is harming teens. Here is an excerpt from the article:

Friends Without Benefits by Nancy Jo Sales

This year, 81 percent of Internet-using teenagers in America reported that they are active on social-networking sites, more than ever before. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, ((Snapchat, Skype, Tumblr, Vine, Ask.fm)) and new dating apps like Tinder, Grindr, and Blendr have increasingly become key players in social interactions, both online and IRL (in real life). (I added some of these ((applications in parentheses)) because many parents may not even be aware of them!) Combined with unprecedented easy access to the unreal world of Internet porn, the result is a situation that has drastically affected gender roles for young people. Speaking to a variety of teenaged boys and girls across the country, Nancy Jo Sales uncovers a world where boys are taught they have the right to expect everything from social submission to outright sex from their female peers. What is this doing to America’s young women?

Another excerpt talks about the stats of porn:

Porn is more available now than at any time in history—especially to kids. Ninety-three percent of boys and 62 percent of girls have seen Internet porn before they turn 18, according to a 2008 study in CyberPsychology & Behavior. Seventy percent of boys have spent more than 30 minutes looking at porn, as have 23 percent of girls. Eighty-three percent of boys and 57 percent of girls have seen group sex online. Eighteen percent of boys and 10 percent of girls have seen rape or sexual violence.

The article is rough, read at your discretion with its seedy language, vile sex acts and emotionally and spiritually scarring stories.

The irony to this chilling and sickening article is the fact that Vanity Fair has featured it! The magazine that brings you naked women every month, airbrushed and tanned to perfection selling lies to make girls and women think that that is how they are supposed to look!  This is the Vanity Fair that features articles with lurid sexual details, seductive poses, innuendo, pedophiles interviews, and nude photographs ad nauseum.

Vanity Fair actually cares about young women getting hooked on casual sex?

Vanity Fair actually cares about young women being lied to and being used?

Sure seems hard to believe given the monthly content of their rag.  Maybe Vanity Fair needs to read this article and rethink the way they’ve been doing business? Maybe they care about children being used and abused? Maybe they care and will start setting a standard to not push sexuality on young children and teens. The message that has been promoted is warped for sure.

Hey, Vanity Fair, it’s about time you practiced what you are preaching? Vanity Fair…are you listening?

Join others in the fight against pornography (https://www.facebook.com/PeopleAgainstPorn), comprehensive sex ed (which is not comprehensive), and Planned Parenthood in order to protect our children! Join Texas Parents Care! https://www.facebook.com/TexasParentsCare

Advice for Parents of Teen Porn Addicts (Part 4) Preventing Future Use

Restoring your teen after porn use

by Rob Jackson
Principles, not personalities

Chances are this encounter will exacerbate personality differences already evident in the family, but parents and teen alike need to understand that this issue is not about personalities but about principles. Ideally, parents will have educated their children about the principles or core values that pertain to personal integrity. When these principles are violated, parents don’t need to make this a personal issue, even though the wound will be highly personal.

Those who have not undertaken this core training will experience greater difficulty reaching the teen. Compounding the problem will be any moral lapse or habits that the teen witnesses in the parents’ lives. It is extremely difficult to admonish a child for seeking out pornography if the parents have a few video cassettes they claim to be marital aids. Children are experts at sniffing out hypocrisy.

If parents are morally compromised in this situation, there are only a few choices they can make. They can either let the matter drop, thus resigning their teen to a cycle of pain, shame and addiction, or they can make the decision to eliminate those harmful aspects of their own lives and work toward bringing healing and restoration to the entire family.

Youth culture often counters parental values; adolescents may claim the right to express sexuality in whatever ways they desire. Without moral absolutes, they are prone to experimentation and believe that being true to one’s self is the greater good.

Boundaries and accountability

The fact remains that parents are responsible to a large degree for their children and for what their children do. For example, when an adolescent violates one or more civil laws pertaining to sexual conduct, his parents will typically become involved in the court hearings as well. Taking up their moral responsibility, parents of teenage addicts will need to state clear boundaries so that the guidelines and consequences are obvious.

Sadly, simply stating clear moral guidelines won’t change the heart of our children. Nevertheless, parents should be clear. Adolescents are to be accountable for their conduct, especially when trust has been violated.

Some initial guidelines for children would involve the types of media they are exposed to and the times and places of exposure. For example, parents would want to regulate Internet usage to specific times of the day or only when they are present. They may need specialized software to help them achieve these measures. Other restrictions could include limiting Internet use for homework purposes only and limiting TV viewing.

Heavy-handedness without appropriate ongoing communication and relationship can drive a teen further away from you and drive a continuation of his or her acting out.

The guidelines parents set should not be limited to media in the home. Considering the seriousness of your child’s problem, guidelines should also be developed for conduct outside the household, with a signed agreement clearly stating consequences for infractions.

The reader can see how this could easily become a case of “parenting with an iron fist.” These measures need to be moderated by your family’s situation and your unique relationships. Above all, you must enter into these measures making sure that you are acting out of love and a motivation to help your child toward healing. Just as important, your child must perceive that you are acting with such a motivation. Heavy-handedness without appropriate ongoing communication and relationship can drive a teen further away from you and drive a continuation of his or her acting out.

Ideally, fathers should discuss these matters with sons, and mothers with daughters. Follow-up is important and, at least initially, these times of accountability may need to occur daily so that the teenage addict can check-in.

Safeguard other children

The most difficult question that can emerge is how to safeguard other children in the home. We want to think the best of our loved ones, regardless of age. It’s hard to imagine that a family member may actually pose a hazard to another family member. Where sex addiction exists, however, a careful evaluation for risk factors is always warranted.

Understandably, parents will want to protect younger children from the knowledge that an older sibling is addicted to pornography or other sexual behaviors. In fact, many times, the younger children remain relatively innocent, and perhaps the parents have not yet initiated sex education. Nevertheless, there are times when parents will need to err on the side of caution, and share with younger children that an older sibling is in trouble sexually, and therefore, won’t be left alone in their presence without parental supervision.

Every family situation differs in type and severity. For this reason, it’s not possible to offer specific advice in a brief article. Fortunately, however, help and hope is available though Focus on the Family’s Counseling Department. For a confidential assessment and referral to a specialist, call (800) 232-6459 weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time).

See the rest  of the article at: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/when_children_use_pornography/preventing_future_use.aspx

Porn on the Brain makes for a devastating life…

by Christine Kalmbach

This article is sad and frightening. There are many disturbing facts detailed below and one I want to bring to your attention that Facebook is being used as a tool for pornography.   Either knowingly or unknowingly is the question?  We have started a page called “People Against Pornography”. Please become a fan: https://www.facebook.com/pages/People-Against-Pornography-everywhere-and-on-FB/168243650044552?ref=br_tf   Let’s hold those responsible for this treachery accountable!


Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY 

From the Daily Mail by Martin Daubney

The moment I knew internet pornography had cast its dark shadow over the lives of millions of ordinary British teenagers will live with me for ever. I was sitting in the smart drama hall of a specialist sports college in the North of England with a fantastic reputation. Before me were a group of 20 boys and girls, aged 13-14. Largely white, working class children, they were well turned-out, polite, giggly and shy.

As the presenter of a Channel 4 documentary called Porn On The Brain, airing next Monday at 10pm, I’d been invited to sit in on a forward-thinking class led by sex education consultant Jonny Hunt, who is regularly asked into schools to discuss sex and relationships. To establish what these kids knew about sex – including pornography – he had asked the children to write an A-Z list of the sexual terms they knew, no matter how extreme.

Most of these children had just hit puberty and some were clearly still children: wide-eyed, nervous, with high-pitched voices.

Some of the girls were beginning their first forays into make-up. Several wore braces on their teeth. Everybody was smartly turned out in school uniform, and the most anti-authority statement in the room was a tie worn deliberately short. A One Direction pencil case lay on a desk. These were clearly good children, from good homes. So far, so very, very ordinary.

But when Jonny pinned their lists on the board, it turned out that the children’s extensive knowledge of porn terms was not only startling, it superseded that of every adult in the room – including the sex education consultant himself.

‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny.

‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy, to an outburst of embarrassed laughter from some, and outright revulsion from others.

The adults in attendance were incredulous at the thought that not only did this kind of porn exist, but that a 14-year-old boy may have actually watched it.

But the more mundane answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and girl in the group put on their list was ‘anal’.

When questioned, they had all – every child in a class of 20 – seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I was stunned they even knew about it – I certainly hadn’t heard of it at that age – let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it.

One 15-year-old girl said, ‘Boys expect porn sex in real life’. And one boy – to choruses of approval – spoke of his revulsion for pubic hair, which he called a ‘gorilla’.

When Jonny pointed out that pubic hair was normal in real life, the boys scoffed, but some of the girls were angry that the boys’ template of what to expect from real girls had clearly already been set by porn.

By the end of the hour-long class – and three others that followed with other children – I was profoundly saddened by what I had witnessed. While teenage boys will always be fascinated by, and curious about, sex, what’s now considered ‘normal’ by under-18s is an entirely distorted view of intercourse and the way relationships should be conducted.

It seemed as if the children’s entire expectation of sex had been defined by what they see in online porn. The conversation was horrifying enough, yet there was worse to come.

In the playground, I interviewed a brave group of seven bright boys and girls aged 14-15 to ascertain in more detail what online porn they had witnessed.

‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny. ‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy

One boy calmly recalled watching a scene too graphic to describe in a family newspaper, but which had involved an animal.

‘You’re watching bestiality?’ I asked. ‘That’s illegal. Where are you getting this stuff from?’

‘Facebook,’ the boy said. ‘It just pops up whether you want it or not, sometimes via advertisements. You don’t have any control over it.’

A girl added, ‘On Facebook, you just scroll down and it’s there. If any of your friends like it, it comes up on your home page.’

These kids were balanced, smart and savvy. They were the most academically gifted and sporting in the school. They came from ordinary, hard-working households. This was not ‘Broken Britain’.

Some were clearly shocked by what they had seen on the internet.

‘I find it dirty and disturbing,’ said one 15-year-old boy. ‘I try not to look at it, but people just keep sending it to each other. They email disgusting links to each other’s mobile phones to shock.’
One girl put her head in her hands and said, ‘It’s just gross’.

It’s horrifying enough for parents to know that children can get porn via the internet. But to think they get it from Facebook – the social media currency that has become a universal must-have for teenagers globally – will strike terror into their hearts.

I asked the teenagers: ‘On a scale of one to ten, how likely would you say it is that boys and girls your age are watching porn online?’

The reply was a chorus of tens, nines and one eight.

When I asked the children if there were parental controls on the internet at home, they all said no, their parents trusted them. They all admitted their parents had no idea what they were watching, and would be shocked if they did know.

What I saw at the school was awful, but sadly not unusual.

The findings were backed up in a survey of 80 boys and girls aged 12-16, commissioned for the TV show.

It proves the vast majority of UK teens have seen sexual imagery online, or pornographic films.

According to the survey, the boys appear largely happy about watching porn – and were twice as likely as girls to do so – but the girls are significantly more confused, angry and frightened by online sexual imagery. The more they see, the stronger they feel.

But what impact is this steady diet of online depravity having on the attitudes of boys and girls towards real life relationships, and on their self-esteem?

Could it even have a wider impact on their lives, blighting their ability to function in the world, get good qualifications and jobs?

What I discovered left me truly shocked and saddened.

He wanted to know how to protect his sonHe wanted to know how to protect his son. You might be surprised. After all, from 2003-2010 I edited lad’s magazine Loaded.

With its frequent nudity and lewd photo spreads, I’d long been accused of being a soft pornographer, and after leaving Loaded I agonised that my magazine may have switched a generation onto more explicit online porn.

In the documentary I set out on a journey to answer the question: is porn harmless, or is it damaging lives?

My interest was deeply personal, too, as my own beautiful little boy, Sonny, is now four. Even though he has only just started primary school, the Children’s Commissioner estimates boys as young as ten are now being exposed to online porn.

I wanted to know what I could do to protect my own son from a seemingly inevitable exposure to hardcore material in just a few years’ time.

I used to be sceptical that porn was as damaging a force as the headlines and David Cameron – who recently said it was ‘corroding childhood’ – suggest. In the past I’d even defended pornography in university debates, on TV and on radio. I claimed it was our freedom of choice to watch it and said it could actually help add to adult relationships.

But what I saw during the making of the film changed my opinion of pornography forever.

The true stories of boys I met whose lives had been totally taken over by porn not only moved me to tears but also made me incredibly angry that this is happening to our children.

And the looks of revulsion on those poor girl’s faces in the playground enraged me.

I feel as if an entire generation’s sexuality has been hijacked by grotesque online porn.

To find out what porn is doing to young men, and the girls they have relationships with, we spoke to them via online forums and discovered that there were many young lives seriously blighted by an excessive, unhealthy relationship with pornography that can begin when they are as young as 12.

We learned that some had lost their jobs, others had broken relationships, failed exams, or got into serious debt through using porn.

‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex. That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths’

Take the 19-year-old man I got to know. He was handsome, articulate and in full-time employment as an apprentice electrician. But his life was dominated by his porn habit.

‘Every bit of spare time I have is spent watching porn,’ he says. ‘It is extreme. I can’t hold down a relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but sex with them just isn’t as good as the porn.’

Having established, like the recent Children’s Commissioner report, that ‘basically, porn is everywhere’, we set out to discover what all this porn was doing to their brains.

Was it having any effect at all? Could it be addictive?

We found Dr Valerie Voon, a neuroscientist at Cambridge University and a global authority on addiction.

Then, in the first study of its kind, we recruited 19 heavy porn users who felt their habit was out of control and had Dr Voon examine their brain activity as they watched, among other things, hardcore porn.

She showed them a variety of images, both stills and videos.

These ranged from images known to excite all men, such as bundles of £50 notes and extreme sports in action, to mundane landscapes and wallpapers – all inter-spliced with hardcore porn videos, plus pictures of both clothed and naked women.

The ways in which their brains responded to this diverse imagery were compared with the responses of a group of healthy volunteers.

She was interested in a particular brain region called the ventral striatum – the ‘reward centre’ – where our sense of pleasure is produced. This is one of the areas where an addict will show a heightened response to visual representations of their addiction – whether it’s a syringe or a bottle of vodka.

What we discovered was a revelation. When shown porn, the reward centre of normal volunteers barely reacted, but that of the compulsive porn users lit up like a Christmas tree.

The compulsive porn users’ brains showed clear parallels with those with substance addictions.
Everybody on the project was astounded, even Dr Voon, who admitted she had been ‘sceptical and ambivalent’ about the study at the outset.

If porn does have the insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out vodka at the school gates.
And this toxic effect is filtering down directly into young girls’ lives.

The most shocking testament came from Professor Gail Dines. Regarded as the world’s leading anti-pornography campaigner, she has interviewed thousands of men and women about sex and pornography.

‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex,’ she says.

‘That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths.

‘Pornography is sexually traumatising an entire generation of boys.’

By talking with sexual addiction experts such as Professor John E Grant of the University of Chicago, Dr Paula Hall, the UK’s top sex addiction therapist, and Professor Matt Field from the University of Liverpool, we learned that the teenage brain is especially vulnerable to addiction.

The brain’s reward centre is fully developed by the time we’re teenagers, but the part of the brain that regulates our urges – the pre-frontal cortex – isn’t fully developed until our mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say ‘stop’, they are wired to want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling.

So who is going to take on the responsibility for protecting our children until they are old enough to do it for themselves?

Can we rely on schools? It strikes me that the current sex education system in the UK – where schools are obliged only to teach the basics of reproduction and the perils of sex, which they can opt out of anyway – is hopelessly outdated.

In the internet age, our children are turning to online porn for an alternative sex education – the worst place they can go.

The Mail claimed a victory in July when David Cameron announced that by the end of 2014 all 19 million UK homes currently connected to the internet will be contacted by service providers and told they must say whether family friendly filters that block all porn sites should be switched on or off.

But our TV show proved that determined children will always find a way around online blocks.

Ultimately, the responsibility lies with us, the parents. The age of innocence is over.

Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight back.

We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.

We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.

By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.

Porn On The Brain airs on Monday, 30 September at 10pm on Channel 4 as part of Channel 4’s Campaign for Real Sex, here’s the video on this segment:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=654LG4e5HL8

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